How to help a child who has witnessed violence: Seven tips for parents and caregivers

Whatever the circumstances, one thing is certain: your child needs you now. And, understandably, you may not know where to begin. 

That's okay. You don't have to have all the answers. What children who have witnessed violence need most is not a perfect response—it’s the presence of a safe, reliable, loving adult. 

In this guide, you'll find seven evidence-based tips to help you support your child after witnessing violence—practical, compassionate steps you can take right now to help them feel safe, heard and less alone.

1. Create immediate safety and stability. 

Feeling physically and emotionally safe is crucial before children can begin the healing process.  

To create a sense of physical and emotional safety: 

— Maintain routines. By continuing your normal routines, you can create a predictable, stable environment that reminds children they are physically safe, fosters emotional security and reduces anxiety. It can be helpful to direct your child to their Calm Down Kit or other comforting items to help them self-regulate. 

— Model calmness. Children’s mirror neurons (or “copycat cells”) activate when a child observes a caregiver, imitates social skills, language and even empathy. Meaning: By watching you regulate your emotions and remain calm, children will mirror your behavior, helping them manage their own emotions.  

— Limit re-exposure to the event. Avoid media coverage or returning to the location where the violence occurred to prevent your child from experiencing further trauma. 

2. Open the door to conversation—but don’t force it.

Talking with your child is essential to help reduce fears and anxieties, establish feelings of safety and reduce long-term trauma symptoms.  

Conversations about what they experienced can help your child process their emotions and allows you, as their caregiver, to assess any behavioral changes or emotional distress, which are common following Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)—traumatic events that occur in a child’s life, like witnessing violence. 

Learn the signs that a child needs help. 

Examples of open-ended questions you can ask your child: 

— “How does this experience make you feel?”  

— “Where in your body are you feeling that?”  

— “What do you know about [incident]?” 

— “Do you have any questions about [incident]?” 

If your child isn’t ready to talk about what happened or their feelings, it’s more beneficial to give them space then probe for answers. Forcing a conversation before they’re ready can increase distress.  

Learn more about how to have difficult conversations with your child.  

3. Use age-appropriate, honest language. 

For children who have witnessed violence, using simple and reassuring language is best when discussing the experience.  

Age-appropriate language for toddlers and preschoolers:  

Toddlers and preschoolers have limited language to express what they witnessed or how they feel, so at this age, age-appropriate language is simple, concrete and calm.  

Children at this age won’t understand abstract concepts like “danger” or “trauma.” Instead, name what happened in the most straightforward terms your child can understand, while avoiding graphic details entirely.  

Other tips for helping toddlers and preschoolers:  

— Use simple sentences and repeat them often, as repetition is comforting for young children. 

— Watch for regression. Your child returning to behaviors of a younger life stage, like bed wetting, separation anxiety or thumb-sucking, is a normal stress response. 

— Give your child multiple avenues to express, process or communicate their emotions with play or art.  

— Consider reading books that address big feelings or witnessing violence in age-appropriate ways—titles like The Color Monster or A Terrible Thing Happened.  

Age-appropriate language for elementary- and middle school-aged children:  

Elementary- and middle school-aged children have a greater capacity for understanding, and without the support of a loving, trusted adult, these children will seek understanding elsewhere. 

But answers from peers, the media or their own information can often be more frightening than reality.  

Children need clear, factual and calm answers to their questions about violence. 

Other tips for helping elementary- and middle school-aged children:  

— Start by asking your child to share what they think happened. This will help you correct misconceptions and soothe any fears that have risen from misinformation. 

— Use clear, concrete language about what happened (and what’s being done to keep them safe) without graphic detail. 

— Check in regularly with open-ended questions that allow children to present any new questions or feelings they may have after the initial event.  

Age-appropriate language for teenagers:  

Teenagers are cognitively able to understand distressing moments at a near-adult level, but their pursuit of autonomy can make them resistant to discuss their experiences with an adult. 

Tips for helping teenagers:  

— Acknowledge what happened directly, careful not to minimize the experience, as many teenagers are sensitive to adults downplaying their emotions. For example, you might say: “What you witnessed was serious, scary and tragic for everyone. It makes sense that this has affected you.”  

— Frame the conversation as a two-way dialogue where you ask about and value their perspective. For example, you might say: “I wanted to check in about what happened. How are you doing?”  

— Watch for signs a teenager is processing alone and may need additional support. For example, signs of increased withdrawal, irritability, risk-taking behavior and changes in sleep or appetite are signs your teenager may need extra help. 

4. Validate and help name their emotions. 

Validating your child’s emotions ensures they feel seen, safe and valued, which fosters trust and emotional intelligence and regulation. This is even more important after your child has witnessed violence, as it helps them process trauma, reduce any misplaced guilt and build resilience. 

Validating and then helping your children name their emotions develops healthy emotional regulation and facilitates better mental health throughout their life.   

Tips to help children learn how to regulate their emotions after witnessing violence:   

— Help name emotions: Guide children to learn and recognize different emotions through intentional conversations or even with tools such as feeling wheels. With this vocabulary, you can also help them learn to recognize how certain emotions feel in their head and in their body.  

— Help recognize triggers for big emotions: By identifying physical cues and using feeling vocabulary, you can help your child recognize emotional triggers and manage their responses before they escalate.  

— Normalize feelings: Remind them that what they are feeling in response to ant given situation is normal.   

— Teach the difference between feelings and actions: Help a child develop emotional regulation by distinguishing emotion and behavior. For example, you might tell a child who is angry, “It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to hit.”   

By helping a child communicate their emotions, you can actually reduce their intensity through “affect labeling.” This process of putting feelings into words inherently regulates emotions, dampening the amygdala’s stress response. 

5. Maintain warm, consistent caregiving. 

Research shows that the presence of at least one stable, loving and trusted adult is the single most powerful factor in helping children overcome adversity, build resilience and protect them from the long-term effects of trauma.  

With physical affection, active listening and consistent availability, you can help regulate your child’s nervous system, foster healing from traumatic events and build resiliency for future stressors.  

6. Support healthy emotional expression. 

To help your child continue processing the experience, provide outlets for expression. Your child may not have the language or tools to verbally communicate their feelings or process the experience. But you can provide other outlets for healthy emotional expression that help your child process, heal and build resiliency for future stressors. 

Art, play, movement and music are all evidence-based tools for emotional processing in children. For children who have experienced trauma, play therapy can be a crucial tool for parents, as children naturally process difficult experiences through play.  

7. Take care of yourself. 

Caring for someone else is a full-time job. Oftentimes, those in a caregiver role neglect their own needs while tending to those of others.  

But maintaining your own well-being is crucial in such an emotionally demanding role, especially in times of crisis, like witnessing violence. Without a healthy self-care routine, a caregiver can slip into burnout and exhaustion, hindering your ability to care for those you love.  

Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential, like putting on your own oxygen mask in a plane before putting on someone else’s, especially as children regulate their emotions by co-regulating with a trusted, loving adult around them. A calm, supported caregiver is one of the most powerful healing tools available to your child.  

Learn more simple, effective ways to care for yourself. 

At SOS Children's Villages, we believe that every child deserves the emotional support, stability and tools they need to thrive. For more resources on supporting children's mental health and emotional wellbeing, explore our trauma resources and parenting guides. 

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