How emotional neglect changes a child’s brain—and three ways to help

Experiencing love from a trusted adult isn’t just a positive feeling for children—it’s a biological necessity. 

When children grow up with consistent emotional support, their brains develop the neural pathways they need to regulate emotions, form healthy relationships and navigate life's challenges. But when emotional neglect occurs, developing brains adapt in ways that can create lifelong struggles. 

The good news? Understanding how emotional neglect affects brain development is the first step toward prevention. 

Whether you're a parent, caregiver, educator or concerned adult, you have the power to provide the emotional connection children need to thrive. 

Here's what you need to know about emotional neglect, its impact on the developing brain and three evidence-based ways you can support healthy emotional development in children. 

What is emotional neglect in children? 

Emotional neglect occurs when a child’s emotional needs are consistently unmet—like a lack of emotional support, validation or connection with a loving, trusting adult.  

Any form of abuse or neglect constitutes as an Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) and can have lasting, devastating effects in a child’s life that carry far into adulthood. Understanding what constitutes as emotional neglect is crucial for early intervention and child protection. 

Common examples of emotional neglect include:   

— Ignoring or minimizing feelings: Diminishing or dismissing a child’s feelings, often with phrases like, “stop crying,” “it’s not a big deal,” “toughen up,” “other kids have it worse” or “I’ll give you something to cry about.” 

— Withholding emotional attention: Denying a child emotional connection, often by not asking about a child’s day or feelings, failing to notice when a child is upset, prioritizing work, phones or other activities over emotional connection.  

— Absence of physical affection: Failing to share healthy physical affection like giving hugs or pulling away when a child seeks comfort.  

— Lack of validation or encouragement: Showing no interest in a child’s activities, not attending their important events or never acknowledging their accomplishments.  

How emotional neglect changes the developing brain 

Research highlights that approximately 90% of brain growth occurs in the first five years of life.  

In an emotionally nurturing environment, children’s brains develop:  

— Healthy stress response systems that help them cope with future adversity and challenges 

— Well-developed executive functions (like decision-making and impulse control) 

— Strong neural pathways for forming strong relationships and emotional bonds 

However, when a child grows up without their emotional needs met, their young minds are rewired by toxic stress. 

This harms children’s healthy brain development, leading to ongoing difficulties, like:

— Memory problems 

— Impaired problem-solving 

— Poor decision-making skills and impulsive behavior 

— Difficulties forming and maintaining healthy relationships 

— Increased risk for depression and other mental health disorders 

Meaning: Emotional neglect and lack of loving relationships literally alter a child’s brain structure, potentially creating a lifetime of physical and mental health challenges.  

Learn more about the science behind growing up with love. 

How to provide emotional support for healthy brain development 

To help foster a child’s healthy brain development and emotional regulation, you don’t need to be perfect—just present and consistent.  

1. Create an emotionally safe environment through active listening. 

Feeling heard and understood boosts a child’s ability to identify and manage their emotions.  

Tips to improve your active listening skills:  

— Give them your full attention: Make eye contact and use body language that shows them you’re fully engaged, including getting on their physical level (i.e. kneeling for young children).  

— Ask open-ended questions: Instead of asking a yes or no question—like “Did you have a good day?”—try questions that encourage them to process and share their inner thoughts and emotions. For example: “What was the best part of your day?” or “What was the hardest part of your day?” 

— Validate their emotions: Rather than immediately offering guidance, first acknowledge their feelings and reassure them you’re here to listen. 

2. Build emotional intelligence through naming and normalizing feelings. 

Naming emotions helps children develop healthy emotional regulation and facilitates better mental health throughout their life.  

Tips to help children learn how to regulate their emotions:  

— Help name emotions: Guide children to learn and recognize different emotions through intentional conversations or even with tools such as feeling wheels. With this vocabulary, you can also help them learn to recognize how certain emotions feel in their head and in their body. 

— Help recognize triggers for big emotions: By identifying physical cues and using feeling vocabulary, you can help your child recognize emotional triggers and manage their signs before they escalate. 

— Normalize feelings: Remind them that what they are feeling in response to a situation is normal.  

— Teach the difference between feelings and actions: Help a child develop emotional regulation by distinguishing between emotion and behavior. For example, you might tell a child who is angry, “It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to hit.”  

By helping a child communicate their emotions, you can actually reduce their intensity through “affect labeling.” This process of putting feelings into words inherently regulates emotions, dampening the amygdala’s stress response. 

3. Teach healthy coping strategies. 

You can give your children the healthy tools they need to manage difficult emotions and avoid resorting to unhealthy, maladaptive coping mechanisms. 

Tips on how to build their healthy coping mechanisms toolbox:  

— Model healthy emotional regulation: Name your own emotions and the response  behaviors or tools you use to self-regulate. For example: “I’m feeling frustrated right now, so I’m going to take some deep breaths” or “That meeting was stressful. I’m going to do some stretches to clear my head.” 

— Create a calm-down kit together: A calm-down kit is a group of objects in a box or bag that children can use to help self-regulate when their emotions overwhelm them. These kits typically include feelings cards or a feelings wheel, relaxation prompts and sensory materials—like stress balls—to help children calm down. By creating a kit together, you’re not only providing a child with the resources they need to regulate their emotions, you’re also helping them learn what tools they prefer or are most effective for them.  

— Problem-solve together: You can also help a child build new neural pathways to handle stress by processing past emotional experiences and building strategies for future situations. For example, you may ask: “What could you try next time you feel that way?” or “Let’s think of two things you can do when you feel anxious.” 

Bonus tip: Practice self-care to model healthy coping strategies and emotional regulation. Children have “copycat cells” (also known as mirror neurons) that allow them to mimic the behaviors they observe in adults.  

Learn how to implement a self-care routine that teaches children how to grow into emotionally healthy adults. 

How you can help another child grow up with emotional connection 

Love is more than a nice-to-have feeling—research consistently shows that love is a biological necessity for children.  

But too many children are growing up without the emotional bonds and sense of belonging they need for healthy brain development and lifelong success.  

When you support evidence-based approaches, like SOS Children’s Villages family-based care model, you’re changing a child’s life with the power of loving relationships.   

Because love matters.

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