It can be overwhelming to find a healthy, comfortable way to discuss challenging issues. But you and your child are not alone.   

In this guide, SOS Children’s Villages’ own Janessa Bryan—who brings more than 10 years of experience in child advocacy and protection—provides tools and tips to lovingly approach difficult conversations. 

Do:  

1. Create a safe space.

You know the situations where your child is most (or least) comfortable. For an effective, open conversation, it’s key to create a space where your child feels safe to be vulnerable or talk about sensitive topics. 

“It’s important to set clear expectations and be mindful of the time and place you’re planning to have the conversation,” Bryan says. 

Are they a morning person? Do they focus better when they’re moving? A morning walk with just the two of you might be the best option. If they have higher energy levels in the evening, they might be more receptive to a chat after dinner.  

2. Guarantee privacy.

It can be daunting for your child to discuss difficult topics or share emotional information with you. At a time when their identity is developing and their self-esteem may be fragile, they might be fearful of disappointing you or being seen as different.  

“Unless there is a risk of harm to themselves or others, assure them everything you talk about will remain private and confidential between the two of you,” Bryan says. 

This promise of privacy can remind your child that you are a trusted resource with whom they can speak freely and get answers to questions they might be embarrassed to ask otherwise.  

In cases of a child coming out or expressing gender identity, it’s crucial to respect any boundaries they set on who they do or do not feel comfortable knowing this information. Remember, you always want to be a trusted person for your child and respecting their privacy is key to maintaining that healthy, open relationship.  

3. Practice active listening.

“Try to let go of thinking only about what you are going to say, advice you want to give or any outcome you intend for the conversation,” Bryan says. “Instead, seek to understand before seeking to be understood.” 

By practicing active listening, you’re showing your child that what they are feeling, thinking or saying matters. When you’re fully present and listening with empathy—rather than listening for the next chance to share your words of wisdom—your child is reminded that you care about them more than the topic at hand, which increases their trust and receptiveness to your guidance. 

“It’s important to also pay attention to a child’s nonverbal cues,” Bryan adds. “If it’s difficult for a child to express or identify their feelings, it can be helpful to use a feelings wheel or chart.” 

4. Provide an exit ramp.

A crucial part of raising children to become resilient and confident adults is providing them with the resources and tools to create healthy boundaries and practice autonomy.  

“It’s important for a child to know they can choose to opt out of the conversation,” Bryan says. “That they can request time to think or plan a time in the future where they may feel comfortable to revisit the topic.”  

If your child is uncomfortable and asks to continue the discussion at a later time, it’s essential that you respect the dignity of their decision, or you could risk losing trust and open lines of communication. 

5. Follow up.

Whether your child has asked to talk later or the conversation naturally came to a close, it’s important to create a time for a follow-up conversation after they have had time to process the discussion.  

“Make sure this is a time where your child knows you are available for them to ask any new questions or share concerns,” Bryan adds. 

Don’t:  

1. Use blame to explain.

It’s important to enter all conversations with a “do no harm” mindset. Using blame (for example, in the case of divorce, blaming the child or the other adult’s behavior) to explain a situation or subject can be confusing or trigger feelings of shame.  

By being honest in an age-appropriate manner, you’re helping develop their trust in you and encouraging a future of direct, considerate conversations with the people they are close to in adulthood. 

2. Judge.

Reassuring your child that you won’t judge any thoughts or opinions they share develops lasting skills that can prepare them for a successful adulthood—empowering them to advocate for themselves, confidently deliver their opinion and practice critical-thinking skills.  

“Let a child know they can ask questions or share a different opinion without judgment, even if their opinion differs from or questions your own,” Bryan says. “The aim here is to respect each other, both children and adults.” 

3. Use jargon or confusing language.

While technical language might seem easier to understand for you, it can confuse a child who doesn’t have the vocabulary or life experience to make those connections.  

“Instead, try to use age-appropriate and child-friendly language,” Bryan says.  

4. Make promises you can’t keep.

Avoid making promises or guarantees that you can’t uphold. Failing to fulfill a promise can damage the trust between you and your child and discredit future coaching opportunities.  

“As a caring adult, we want to provide reassurance to a child without making unrealistic or confusing promises,” Bryan adds.  

5. Be too hard on yourself.

Talking about difficult subjects and guiding your child through this tumultuous world is challenging, to say the least. When preparing for and having these conversations, don’t forget the best thing you can do:  

“Follow the golden rule,” Bryan says with a smile. “Be kind, be honest and be yourself.”  

What about the children who don’t have trusted adults in their lives to have these needed conversations?  

The reality is that many children around the world don’t have a compassionate person like you to care about them. In fact, an estimated 220 million children—1 out of 10 worldwide—are at risk of growing up alone. 

Without the protection, guidance and wisdom of a trusted adult, they are incredibly vulnerable to exploitation, poverty and violence. And without the chance to form loving relationships, they are at risk of long-term mental health challenges. 

Together with our supporters, SOS Children’s Villages is fighting to change that.  

With our unique village model, we provide vulnerable children with a safe home, loving family, nutritious food, quality education, professional health care services (including mental health) and a trusted parent who is trained to discuss difficult topics and prepare them for successful adulthood. 

And after more than 75 years of raising children with care, we’ve proven the power of safe homes and loving families: a child who is loved, protected and empowered becomes a loving, protective and empowering parent, capable of realizing their dreams and contributing to their communities.  

We believe that every child deserves a safe, loving home and a caring parent to guide them into adulthood. And, we have a feeling you share that belief, too.  

You can look out for a child in need and be the trusted adult in their lives when you:   

1. Sponsor a child

There are over 150 million children in need of parental care around the world, facing the unimaginable hardships of navigating childhood alone. Your sponsorship can change that. You can give a child a stable, loving family and become the trusted adult and friend they need. 

2. Donate

At SOS Children’s Villages, we’re dedicated to providing every child with a safe home and loving parent. When you donate, you are helping give a child a loving caregiver—the kind of person who’s always there to encourage and discuss important life topics with them—providing them with the resources they need to thrive.  

3. Give a meaningful gift from the SOS Gift Shop

Your generosity provides a child with the essentials to live a healthy, joyful life, like consistent meals, access to clean water, school supplies and much more in our Gift Shop.  

Whichever way you choose to support a vulnerable child in need, thank you. Together, we can build a future where no child is without a loving parent or the resources they need to thrive! 

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